In this case, the title is the technique.
“I was just wondering…”
When we demand/insist or order someone to do something, or to become more resourceful, or to learn something, there is a basic human tendency to resist. Ans resistance slows progress.
However, when we simply “wonder” out loud about something we come in under the resistance radar and trigger, within the other person, a new way and hopefully more resourceful way, of looking at themselves and the problems that they face.
So, when you’re talking to someone about a problem you might say “You have to solve this by tomorrow.” And, this should be done with a stern commanding tone of voice for maximum resistance to you. This will trigger the “You’re not the boss of me” effect – yes even, and perhaps especially, in adult men, young children, and teens.
The alternative, of simply thinking out loud and saying “I wonder if you’ll find a way to do this or more than one way?” or “I was just wondering what the best solution will be,” are both much more likely to get that person’s attention on the problem and the solution without provoking resistance.
After all, you are just wondering. That is way less authoritarian than telling them what to do. And, as a result way more likely to work.
Anyway, I was just wondering if you could think of a way to use this. Have you?
Have a great day.
For more on wondering, presuppositions, the use of the past tense and other ethical and effective techniques of influence and persuasion in your personal life, get my book: The Language of Parenting: Building Great Family Relationships At All Ages
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