This was the question I shouted up the stairs or asked anyone who got near me.
I had just read an article on making iced coffee and iced coffee cubes using a cold press method that yields tasty, strong (or diluted to your taste) and icy cold coffee refreshment during the summer months.
I’ll describe the process if anyone asks by leaving a comment or emailing me.
The French press has always been on the counter near the tea kettle. But I “knew” that Robin had been cleaning in preparation for a meeting at out house and when I glanced at the counter it wasn’t there.
I shouted to the kids “Does anyone know where Mom put the French press?” “It’s usually on the counter” was the response.
“No I looked” I said. “It must have been put away.”
I called Robin - at work.
“Do you remember where you put the French press?”
“I probably put it….” Well, you get the picture. For a day or two we all looked in the places we thought that it might be. Then , just a few moments ago I notice it…… right where it always was. It had just been pushed back a few inches. It had been there all along. It had just become invisible due to our expectations.
I knew Robin was cleaning up so when I glanced at the counter and didn’t see it, that was consistent with my expectation. And, when I was looking for it that gave the kids the expectation that it had been moved.
Our expectations literally made the movement of a few inches enough to make it invisible to us. All of us. So my erroneous expectation was spread to others by my comments that created new expectations in them.
Now why is this story appearing in the persuasion and communications blog instead of the senility blog? Well, we all have assumptions and expectations that make us miss the obvious. And, we often spread those assumptions to others by tellig them that “That doen’t work here,” or “We have tried that before.”
Maybe it’s time, in our business and in our personal lives to look at what we have been assuming, or taking for granted. Let’s take a moment and consider what our expectations have been doing to our reality.
Expectations work because they program the reticular activating system to notice certain things and to ignore others. The question is, “Are those expectations serving you well?”
So, how can you do this? How can you see what you have been missing? How can you find the missing French press?
Questions are like a spot light in these matters.
Ask yourself: “If I were starting my business right now, knowing what I know today how would it be different? Who would be helping me? What systems and technology would you use? Who would be my customers? what would be my products or services and how would they be priced?”
How about in your your personal life?
What would you love to do that you haven’t up until now?
What assumptions have you been making about your life that are making the coffee press invisible?
So use the human power to alter your assumptions to find the missing coffee press and take it from there.
And while you’re at it, schedule some time to make the changes. Just put an appointment with yourself in the old calendar. Try it.
The specific mind hacks to over come assumptions that limit change and success
Dave Frees
Dave Frees has been called a grand master of communications, sales, and persuasion skills.
He regularly addresses corporate audiences, professional and trade associations and entrepreneurial groups on the topics of sales, marketing, persuasion and leadership.
To get on the early bird list for the upcoming release of Persuasion2Profit send an email to dfrees@successtechnologies.com or call Denise at 1-800-769-5454.
Dave Frees on ethic influence and persuasion skills for your business and personal life
I’ve been hearing from readers who are surprised that many of the linguistic techniques and the persuasive language patterns work so well not just in marketing but also with spouses, friends, kids and other assorted loved ones.
A common quote “Dave, I never thought that this would work but I used it the moment I got home and we have had a real break through.” Reports have included kids terrified of bikes suddenly learning to ride. Sleeping in their own beds. Office managers finally remembering to use the check list. A reluctant prospect finally revealing the barrier to purchase and then buying.
Why do these work so well? They rely on the biology of how we, as humans, process the language and the questions. Want another persuasive communications tool?
Here is the pattern. People do, (insert the persons name here) learn how to….
For example, you’re speaking to your son or dauther who is having trouble relaxing or who is having test anxiety. If you speak directly to the issue, you’ll probably meet with internal resistance.
But, if you say: “People do, Janice find ways to study and then relax.” You’re making a more general observation. And, because of the ambiguity of the syntax of the sentence the unconscious mind process the command for them to learn this skill.
It is a less direct way to break a pattern and to get some to start thinking about a new skill set.
More examples:
“People are Jim able to start looking at their problems in a new and more resourceful way.”
“People do Mom find ways to relax and get a good nights sleep”
When this is coupled with the previous technique of “I wonder….” you can really get things going.
Let me know what you think. Leave a comment below or email me at dfrees@successtechnologies.com
To get on the early bird list for the new product “Persuasion 2 Profit” - an unbelievable set of tools for personal persuasion skills, and how to use them to negotiate, market and manage your personal life and your business email me at dfrees@successtechnologies.com or call 610-933-8069 or 1-800-769-5454 and tell them to put you on the early bird list.
Are you one of the many readers who enjoy the strategies of communication and persuasion but who really lives for the little tactical skills that really work?
The inner game of communications and persuasion makes all of the tactical skills, tricks (like you’re Mom used to get you to do things) and tools all the more effective. Yet the inner game requires us to practice, study, and improve (all of which I encourage). But there are a few little tools that are easy to use and that work at the biological level so well that they seem like magic. And the word because is one of them.
Remember, never overuse a technique (or it becomes less effective). And, when you cultivate flexibility, congruency, and become outcome based in your communications skills, you boost the effectiveness of all tactics - even this winner.
I love to discover the linguistic tools that make communication so much more fluid, effective and elegant. And, the word because is one of those persuasive and magical words.
You can become even more effective because you’re reading articles like this one.
Because is magical because we like reasons to do things, learn things, and to feel secure that we are acting with a reason.
Dr. Robert Cialdini has written about this magical word and many studies have confirmed that as humans, we are much more likely to comply with a request if we have been given a reason. The reason doesn’t even have to make logical sense. For example, in one study people allowed another to jump in line at a copier when they were asked “can I go ahead because I have to make copies.”
Some other examples:
“You can relax about your test because you’re going to study tonight.”
“You can focus on the increased profits because our system takes care of the other details.”
“You can forget about price as a barrier because we have created a product that is inexpensive and…”
So remember when you are asking for something to :
1) Be clear about what you want.
2) Check to see if the other person really understands you.
3) Be congruent and confident when you ask, and
4) Give the person you’re asking a reason to do it.
Tell them that you need it……. because.
Dave Frees
P.S. For more information on Dave’s new product Persuasion 2 Profit or to be on the early bird list to buy a copy when it’s released call Donna at 1-800-769-5454 or email Dave at dfrees@utbf.com and say early bird in the subject line of your email.
Confusion is often triggers us to surrender. Which is sad becasue in most cases, confusion means that we are about to win the war. We are actually about to master some new idea, knowledge or bit of wisdom that previouly seemed too complex.
I cannot tell you how many times people have told me that they gave up on something important to them because they felt confused.
Have you? Have you ever wanted something, perhaps even desired it, only to give up at the first sign of confusion (or within 10 or fifteen minuets of confusion’s arrival).
Now there are certain types of organic disorders and brain injuries where confusion cannot or does not always lead to clarity and success. It is a persistent state. Yet, even in those case we are hot on the trial of drugs and treatments that may help. But, for most of humans (and that probably includes you and me) the feeling of confusion is like Columbus sighting the new world.
What? Confused? Good. Because confusion is what we usually feel right before we make a break through in thinking and that break through is often a permanent expansion of our consciousness and our abilities.
Why?
Well, when we encounter new knowledge, new ways of looking at a problem, and new information, we just don’t have an existing neural path or mental system to simplify that knowledge or to fully process it. Confusion results.
Then, we try fitting that information into our old ways of thinking. When it doesn’t easily fit, we either give up -”I’m confused,” or we try new ways of looking at that information. We experiment with how the new idea might work and how and why it is different from what we already know. We synthesize that information with ideas and existing knowledge that already serves us and that we understand. But the new synthesis is still more complex and we don’t have any experience. we haven’t tested the new ideas in the real world of out experience.
If we are willing to live with confusion (even for a short time), we might get a radically new way of looking at and solving problems, creating things or feeling about ourselves and the world.
So, confusion should be a welcome sensation. Stop looking at it as a sign of weakness of mind but rather as strength of mind. It is the signal that you are about to make a new break through. And, once you combine that new information with your existing systems, problem solving tools and knowledge, your mind is richer and more powerful. Usually, clarity returns but it is an expanded and more capable clarity.
From now on welcome confusion as a sign to keep going and a warning that the solution is near.
So, here is to confusion. May it light the way to new worlds. Or may it at least help you find happiness and a new brand of beer, wine or a great new restaurant. You pick.
The technique: “You’re interested in…….. insert your information here…., aren’t you?”
As in, “You’re interested in becoming more influential and persuasive with your customers/clients, aren’t you?”
Or, “You’re interested in becoming more persuasive in your personal life, aren’t you?”
Or, “You’re interested in ways to use this technique to make more money, aren’t you?”
In an effort to be ethically persuasive and influential, it is important to be able to direct another person/client/customer’s attention to products/services/information that may be important to you and to them but about which they are currently uninformed.
In your personal life, it may be important to call a child or spouse’s attention to information, choices, or facts they may not yet have considered.
People get to make up their own minds. But, you want to be sure that they have considered all of the data, arguments, and information from your perspective too before making that decision.
So, the ability to influence and to direct where another person places their attention without provoking them or raising to much attention on the technique is important.
For example, let’s say it’s dark and you ask a person to tell you what is “out there?” How would they be better prepared to give you an accurate answer? If they simply relied on their memory of what they saw during the day, or if you had a flshlight and were able to draw their attention to the most important objects surrounding them now, in real time?
Obviously, your ability to control their attention with the flashlight increases the likelihood that they will see what you deem to be important. There is an ethical issue here. If you know that there are many other solutions ‘in the darkness” that are better for the other person but you spotlight only your own, knowing it to be inferior, you have not been truthful and honest.
Now some might say - “they can get a flashlight and see the others for themselves. I’m not responsible for highlighting my competition.” And, at one level I would agree. I’m simply saying that it behooves you, when using these techniques, to make sure that your product is really well suited for the customer, client or other party.
When the light of day arrives, they may see the other alternatives anyway. Your great product match and your honesty will be even more appreciated.
So you’re interested in more persuasion skills aren’t you? well, if you are and if you want to be more influential, more charismatic, more successful, and more of whatever these skills will give you, then you should sign up for the RSS feed of this blog (get notice of all the new artcilcles) and sign up to the right for the news letter.
If you want the newest product, book, and interviews entitled Persuasion2Profit, email dbrownback@utbf.com and we’ll send you the information on this new home study and coaching program.
If you have ever wanted to be an agent for change? To help others, or even yourself to actually breakthrough and to achieve some needed change? Want a magical lingusitic formula or technique that greases the skids of change and unleashes desire and transforms reality. Then this is for you - and I am not over promising.
So, if you’d like to have what many have called my “irritating habit” that may be essential to change while making you wildly popular then read on.
Many people have the experience of wanting a particular goal, change, or thing, but never quite reaching it. Now there can be many reasons for this but one common reason is that they have failed to get any real leverage for real change, achievement, and transformation. As humans, we like things the way they are, we fear change, and in order to make a change, big or small, there has to be a good and powerful motivator.
So how does my “bad habit” trigger this motivator in my self and in others?
Well, I am a constant questioner. I have, since the old days of preschool (with my parents), Sunday school (with the clergy), school (with my teachers) and through out college (with my professors) been one of those people who just keeps asking “Why?”
Now I freely admit that such a question can be irritating. But when applied in the right context it can unleash the power you need to bring the changes that you want into your life or into the lives of those around you. OK. How?
People frequently tell me that they desperately want a particular thing, or goal but remain frustrated in achieving it. My question(s) to them? “What would getting [that thing] do for you?” “How would you feel? What would your world look like? Who would be there?”
Now here’s the trick. You have to be persistent and irritating about this. It has to keep going.
Want an example?
Think of something right now that you really want and desire but have not yet achieved.
What would having that do for you?
Ok. You have some answer in mind. What would having that (the new thing) do for you?
How would your life be different or better? Who would be in your life? How would your day go? Where would you be living?
OK. One more time. As to the new thing.
What would having that now do for you? and so on and so on…
Keep going.
Eventually, you will get to the deeper things that you truly desire and along the way you may discover the reason that you have not yet acted or achieved your desire. It may (and often does) involve giving up something and it can even be something (or someone) dear to you.
For example, I asked who is there with you when you have this new thing? If the people there are different than the people in your life now that may tell you something. So, you have a decision to make. If, in the vision of that new thing, you live in a new place (no matter how wonderful) you must be prepared to move from the old to the new in order to achieve what you claim to desire. At the very least, you have to be convinced that the possible need to move is, on balance worth the new and desired goal.
This exercise raises to our conscious awareness what we truly desire, what has to change, and what benefits we will achieve. Then, we can align our strategies, decisions, actions, and often the results we really want often come much faster if not almost instantaneously.
So, remember to develop the irritating habit, with yourself and others, of asking repeatedly, “And what will that get you?” They’ll thank you for it later.
Dave Frees
dfrees@successtechnologies.com
If you have a comment or question, leave it below in the comments section
or email me at the above email.
You can follow me on Twitter for more Ideas and Information To Improve Your Life(TM) or on Facebook.
When we demand/insist or order someone to do something, or to become more resourceful, or to learn something, there is a basic human tendency to resist. Ans resistance slows progress.
However, when we simply “wonder” out loud about something we come in under the resistance radar and trigger,within the other person, a new way and hopefully more resourceful way, of looking at themselves and the problems that they face.
So, when you’re talking to someone about a problem you might say “You have to solve this by tomorrow.” And, this should be done with a stern commanding tone of voice for maximum resistance to you. This will trigger the “You’re not the boss of me” effect - yes even ,and perhaps especially, in adult men : ) and young children and teens.
The alternative, of simply thinking out loud and saying “I wonder if you’ll find a way to do this or more than one way?” or “I was just wondering what the best solution will be,” are both much more likely to get that person’s attention on the problem and the solution without provoking resistance.
After all, you are just wondering. That is way less authoritarian than telling them what to do. And, as a result way more likely to work.
Anyway, I was just wondering if you could think of a way to use this. Have you?
For smooth, effective and ethical persuasion for sales, negotiation and in business and
the work place find out more about my new course and product Persuasion 2 Profit (TM)
You can also win a chance for a free copy (worth a lot) if you leave a comment or question
below on what kind of persuasion and influence skills you most need to develop and/or
how you would use radically better persuasion skills in your business or personal life.
I’ll also count you in the drawing if you email a
question or comment to dfrees@successtechnologies.com
For a video testimonial sneak peak at the new persuasion program watch this.
Sargent Security got a sneak peak
There are many reasons to disconnect (at least occasionally) from the numerous electronic media outlets that bombard you everyday.
In fact, I have been on a temporary news black out (fast) for a number of days and I must say I feel quite good so far, and my lack of moment by moment cable ready “news” has not limited or impaired my enjoyment of life one bit.
I even filed my tax extension on time without media reminders.
But, having said all that, if you are a professional, or if you have a small business, there are perhaps even more reasons why you should take a moment to discover and to start using Twitter (Facebook and social media generally).
Twitter and Facebook both allow you to reach customers and prospects almost instantly with information that they want. To discover your clients’ and customers’ deepest fears and needs, and to stay top of mind and build trust with your most valued business partners and customers.
It is easy to do, costs little or nothing, allows you to be very informed about clients and customers, and offers a very high return on investment of time. But, there are good and bad ways to do this. There are effective and ineffective uses of social media time. And, many businesses make the social media all about them and not at all about the customer or client. This dooms you to failure.
So, to find out more about how I use social media to help my clients and customers, and as a marketing and research tool, follow me on Twitter, and/or become my friend on Facebook. I suggest both as they are often used in compatible but not identical ways.
For now, be well, have a great weekend, and take a deep enjoyable and soooooothing breath. Then, if you’re really up for feeling better, smile and say MMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. (add”oh Yeah!” only for even better feelings)
Dave Frees
P.S. Enjoy a preview of my upcoming Persuasion 2 Profit Program(TM) dave-frees-testimonial-web1
Interested in finding out more about my soon to be released program of persuasion skils and ethical influence designed to help you unleash profit, improve marketing sales, and managment?
Watch as Austin gives a late night review.
Let me know what you need from the Persuasion 2 Profit Program. We have already included over 23 techniques based on human biology designed to make you a better negotiator, sales and marketing master, and much more.
Do you know how to use the Zeigarnick Effect to get what you want and need and to make clients and customers happier and more likely to refer?
How about the six word question that changes everything?
Enjoy.
Dave Frees
610-933-8069
dfrees@successstechnologies.com
I’m often asked the question “What is the most important thing (or skill) of success?” So, I was fascinated when I heard this interviewer ask Eben Pagan that very question. And, I enjoyed listening to his answers which included communications skills, marketing skills, and a mind set of success.
No mystery there but Eben has a fascination with learning that I love. He synthesizes ideas so well and most importantly he really implements. He is a successful young man with some keen insights into human nature that can really make a difference in your business and your personal life.
David Frees • 
8:39 pm • 
